Business

THE omnipotent John Lewis has descended from the heavens to stop customers taking the piss with free cakes.

ROUTINE fire drills have been condemned for making workers think the place they hate most will be destroyed.

AIRLINES have urged passengers not to pry into what happens inside the cockpit once the door is closed.

BRITAIN has seen a sharp rise in the number of firms planning to hire staff, pay them next to nothing and treat them like farm animals.

A BMW jeep-type thing is being openly advertised as a vehicle for pricks.

TRADITIONAL village penis pill retailers are facing closure as customers desert them for online competitors.

THE £640m asking price of London's Gherkin building is far more than Gherkins are fetching outside the capital.

THE public has called for the RBS bankers who made a £1 billion profit to be replaced by bungling hate figures.

THOUSANDS of Britons are hiring specialist image manipulators to simulate exotic cycling trips.

'COFFEE' served in Scottish cafes is actually high strength lager.