Business

THE UK’s banks have pleaded not to be broken up because they are deeply in love.

A CANCER cure has lost out on Kickstarter to a humorous scheme to buy a garden gnome a hat.

TESCO has launched a special Tight Bastard range aimed at misers.

AIRPORTS are to minimise delays by searching your insides while you eat, shop and go to the lavatory.

FLEXIBLE working is impractical for jobs where work needs to be done, it has emerged.

BOSSES who have no idea what their staff are doing have welcomed the acquittal of Rebekah Brooks.

ANDY Coulson’s completely obvious involvement in phone hacking prompted his trial jury to ask if they could find him more than guilty.

THE Bank of England has been given special powers to put fancy hats on the top of huge home loans that will destroy the economy.

INTERNET giant Amazon is no longer selling any products following disputes with every publisher, film producer, record label and mop manufacturer in the world.

SHOPPERS claim to have seen a man buy two things at a farmers’ market.