Business

RETAIL staff have complained that contactless payment means they no longer get to stare intensely at customers while their card goes through.

THE Apple Watch is to be advertised purely as a timekeeping device, rather than a weird little computer.

THE black coven of warlocks at the heart of the Bank of England will raise interest rates by the new year, they have sworn.

TIZER has been named a fizzy drink of outstanding cultural importance by the UN.

A CITY accountancy firm has advertised for a trained specialist to deal with its demanding daily coffee round.

HEATHROW’S third runway will be discreetly hidden inside a cliff face with palm trees that fold down when planes launch.

FORMER RBS chief Fred Goodwin is enjoying another lovely day while you pay off his debts.

THE kindly-seeming old ladies running HSBC have decided to sack 8,000 people because profits are down.

MODEL Kate Moss has launched partyJet, an airline that encourages passengers to get wasted.

GETTING workers to stand up until their legs hurt can help them to know their place, according to bosses.