Business

A PERVERTED old man living in a crater on the moon is given a telescope to spy on couples having sex in John Lewis’s Christmas advert.

THE story of Jesus’s birth now includes a large red lorry with corporate branding, it has been confirmed.

LIDL has unveiled its Christmas advert about a husband attempting to justify the purchase of thirty cans of bitter.

JOB interviewees who smell of stale alcohol are considerably less likely to be hired, it has emerged.

THE maker of Candy Crush Saga has been bought for $5.9 billion by a child whose parents forgot to disable in-app purchases.

A HOMEWORKER maintains age-old office traditions by drinking heavily during her Friday lunch hour.

LEGO has announced a new line of building bricks that are invisible to stupid children.

THE government has confirmed there is absolutely nothing it can do to save the non-London-based steel industry. 

McDONALD’S  has unveiled its latest food item that will fail because it is not a burger.

A TENANT in a London flat has been evicted for attempting to pay the same amount in rent for two consecutive months.