Business

COCAINE sold to middle class people is to come with some blurb about being made by an ecologically-minded cartel that funds community projects.

MOST Wetherspoon pubs are named after local luminaries that never existed, it has emerged.

INTERNET retail giant Amazon employs a robot called Goliath that terminates non-productive workers, it has emerged.

A BUSINESS owner is concerned that a compliment paid to workers will make them demand more cash.

COCA-COLA has brought out a non-carbonated version of its signature beverage intended to be drunk warm in the sun.

LIBOR rigger Tom Hayes is to tunnel out of prison using a poster of Margaret Thatcher as cover.

TESCO’S new automated till has the character of a divorced middle-aged woman with a borderline drink problem.

RETAILER Topshop is to replace its controversial slender mannequins with skeletons.

ADMINISTRATOR Wayne Hayes is eagerly waiting to feel the benefits of Britain’s robust economic growth.

THE Daily Mash has confirmed it has bought the Financial Times for £1.2bn.