Business

THE price of any item reduced on Black Friday is whatever it says on the label plus your very soul, retailers have agreed.

The sheer cost of middle-class life in London means they can only afford one large house and one buy-to-let flat.

A MAN wearing a business suit feels purposeful as f*ck, it has been confirmed.

A PERVERTED old man living in a crater on the moon is given a telescope to spy on couples having sex in John Lewis’s Christmas advert.

THE story of Jesus’s birth now includes a large red lorry with corporate branding, it has been confirmed.

LIDL has unveiled its Christmas advert about a husband attempting to justify the purchase of thirty cans of bitter.

JOB interviewees who smell of stale alcohol are considerably less likely to be hired, it has emerged.

THE maker of Candy Crush Saga has been bought for $5.9 billion by a child whose parents forgot to disable in-app purchases.

A HOMEWORKER maintains age-old office traditions by drinking heavily during her Friday lunch hour.

LEGO has announced a new line of building bricks that are invisible to stupid children.