Arts & Entertainment

COLDPLAY frontman Chris Martin has delighted his army of fans by confirming he is to write a song all about tits.

JK ROWLING has revealed she is to write an eighth Harry Potter book after all, although the best selling author says she is through with “all that fantasy pish”.

CHANNEL 4 is to follow up its controversial Diana documentary with footage of the Queen Mother eating an absolutely gigantic sausage.

THE latest series of Big Brother kicked off last night with the unveiling of a house made up exclusively of idiots and half-wits.

ROLLING Stone Keith Richards last night said he was "amazed and delighted" to discover he was in the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie after attending its star-studded premiere in Hollywood. 

THIS year's Big Brother house is to include quirky new features including a toilet in the middle of the livingroom floor and a room full of tigers.

SPEAKING from the sunken bath of his four room suite in Cannes, U2 frontman Bono has condemned the West for failing to eradicate Third World poverty.

KATE Moss last night declared her garage sale a roaring success after thousands of punters flocked to buy the model’s unwanted clothes and bric-a-brac. 

THE world's leading record companies have joined forces to call for a ban on whistling, claiming it is an infringement of copyright. 

HALFWITS, cretins and morons are to be denied access to the telephone system as part of a government crackdown on TV quizzes.