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Winehouse 'Most Likely To Choke On Own Vomit'

AMY Winehouse is leading the field as the star Most Likely to Choke on Their Own Vomit in this year's NME awards shortlist.

The crack-smoking pop horse faces competition from lanky junkie Pete Doherty, despite the Babyshambles frontman spending £3000 on having his throat widened.

Winehouse, who last year won Best Voice Stolen from a Black Woman, has also been nominated as Best Dressed Whore, Worst Haired Horse, Best Worsted Carpet and Worst German Wurst.

Conor McNichols, NME editor, said this year’s ceremony would also feature a Lifetime Racism Award for Morrissey, winner of Best Dressed Vegetarian Nazi for the last 15 years.

McNichols said: “Other pop stars like David Bowie and Bryan Ferry have flirted with the iconography of the Third Reich but only Morrissey rubs himself against a picture of Hitler every morning.”

Battling it out for best newcomer are The Shitters, My Chemical Toilet, Cradle of Fluff and Jim Jam Jim and the Jim Jammers.

Worst band is a four-way fight between Crib Fiddlers, The Spunks, Granny Quim, and Panic at My Arse Grapes.

Ike Turner has secured nominations for Most Dead and Most Alive, and for Man Most Likely to Kick Shit Out of His Wife While Off His Head on Smack.

The Arctic Monkeys are again leading the pack in Band Gordon Brown is Most Likely to Lie About Having Heard Of.

Meanwhile Sting is the current favourite to land the Chris de Burgh Award for Being a Complete Fucking Cunt.

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Manchester United to beat Arsenal.

 

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