Arts & Entertainment

GERMAN television is to show the wartime sitcom Allo, Allo with its raft of comedy catchphrases including: "I will say zis only once: round up all ze men in the village, and machine gun zem into a ditch."

THE worlds of politics and showbiz came together last night to pay tribute to Britain's greatest purveyor of mucky books.

RADIOHEAD will only sleep with groupies who can produce a valid bus ticket to prove they used public transport to get to the after show orgy, the band said last night. 

STING'S next album has been panned by critics more than two years before he is due to start recording it.

THE BBC has unveiled plans for a three-part mini series based on this morning's earthquake in Lincolnshire.

IT was essential viewing for 16 generations of British children and launched the careers of Letitia Dean, Todd Carty and the girl who played Trisha Yates.

AMY Winehouse is leading the field as the star Most Likely to Choke on Their Own Vomit in this year's NME awards shortlist.

GEORGE Clooney has landed a fourth Oscar nomination for his acclaimed performance as a tormented 12th Century court jester.

JEREMY Paxman has written to the chief executive of Marks & Spencer to tell him that his balls are huge.

CONSUMERS last night promised to continue ignoring the law, despite a government pledge not to throw them in jail for copying their own CDs.