A WOMAN has admitted that what she really wants from a movie is a sweet, touching romantic comedy with hardcore sex scenes.
Jo Kramer finds ordinary porn unsatisfying because she has no emotional connection to the performers, but finds rom-coms frustrating because they never include 20 minutes of unrestrained shafting.
She said: “I can’t be the only one, surely? Who likes a good, relatable love story and also likes to see the couple f**king like there’s no tomorrow?
“Take The Notebook. I loved the romance, but felt the film lost its way when it didn’t show Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams really going at it in the moonlight by that abandoned house. Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, oral, the absolute lot.
“Or Bridget Jones’s Diary, which for me was begging for a scene where Hugh Grant gives the dirty bitch the pounding she deserves. Contrasted with a tender, romantic scene at the end where Colin Firth bangs her like a shithouse door in a gale.
“Instead I’m left frustrated and turn to Pornhub, where a couple with no romantic backstory whatsoever get it on and I’m frankly indifferent.
“Come on, Hollywood. Harry Styles. Anya Taylor-Joy. They meet, they fall in love, they f**k in a hot tub on a Brooklyn rooftop and we see every thrust close up in slo-mo. You can have that for free, and you’re welcome.”
