The White Lotus: Butlin's Skegness confirmed

THE fourth series of prestige dark comedy-drama The White Lotus is to be set at the Butlin’s Resort in Skegness, producers have confirmed. 

After seasons set at luxury resorts in Hawaii, Sicily and Ko Samui, the show’s creator has finally agreed permission for filming at the legendary UK playground of the rich and famous.

Mike said: “It’s a huge win for us. We’re honoured and blessed to have the opportunity to hold a mirror to the fabulous wealth and disturbing excess of the Lincolnshire coastline.

“A weekend at Butlin’s is to lose oneself in a phantasmagoria of the deluded and spiritually unmoored super-rich, each lost in their own gratification. Especially if they have the Gold apartment package and £25.95 per day all-inclusive unlimited drinks.

“The original vision for The White Lotus was to visit all three Butlin’s – Minehead, Skegness and Bognor Regis – but they jealously guard the privacy of their guests, who are after all the global elite.

“We’ve pencilled in Helen Hunt to play a divorcée frittering away a crypto fortune on extras like Adventure Golf, Bryan Cranston as a Mr Tumble-style entertainer whose ketamine addiction stops him connecting with his adult son, and Stephen Mulhern as a redcoat.

“The twisted finale incorporates the Peppa Pig show, a drunken backstage liaison with a member of B*Witched and a firework discharging early. It’s exceptionally clever satire.”

US demands Zelensky submit to daytime makeover

THE US will sign a deal with Zelensky if he agrees to appear on a popular US daytime show for a comprehensive makeover. 

Frustrated by the Ukrainian president’s drab attire and gloomy outlook, the White House has insisted that any deal is contingent on him being subject to a makeover broadcast live at 9am Eastern time.

Drew Barrymore, whose show Zelensky will be forcibly appearing on, said: “Sometimes our clothes control more than we can imagine.

“For example, if you show up dressed as a little Army man for a meeting with two powerful, macho alpha dogs it implies you know more about warfare and standing up to powerful enemies than they do. Which makes them feel small.

“So we’ll be slipping Volodymyr out of those dingy fatigues and all their symbolic weight and changing his whole palette. No more earth tones. Instead vibrant pinks, smoky oranges, acid greens and a bright red baseball hat.

“We’re shaving that beard, styling that hair, rouging those cheeks and moisturising like crazy. His skin’s so dry, where has he been, in a bunker?”

Zelensky said: “This new look gives me so much confidence, I no longer need security guarantees for the future of my nation! Thank you to my fairy godmother Trump.”