SEAN ‘Diddy’ Combs is facing serious accusations including holding ‘sex-trafficking parties’. But was there already reason to suspect he might not be a staunch defender of women?
‘Suck it till your hymen pops’
The track Swagga Like Puff contains this strange instruction. We’re pretty sure sucking a penis has a negligible effect on a woman’s internal body pressure, and it wouldn’t affect their hymen anyway, assuming they have one. Apart from being weird and horrible, it suggests Diddy would make a terrible scientist and an even worse gynaecologist.
I Need a Girl (To Bella)
This mawkish tune includes the lyric ‘How I wish my wife could be you’. Before you get too excited about the sound of wedding bells, ladies, it turns out Diddy’s spouse will be expected to ‘pay my bail for me, make sales for me’ and, in a worst-case scenario, ‘go and sit in a chair that’ll fry for me’. Old Sparky would at least end your relationship with a narcissistic bellend who fantasies about you dying horribly for them.
Diddy is the best person in the world at sex
During the 2008 Olympics, Sean was asked by a female journalist what sport he would excel in. ‘Who could have sex the longest… and probably who could stay up the longest,’ he said, adding, ‘That’s supposed to be funny. Even though I am serious.’ This has to be the least cool attempt at a chat-up ever, but there’s no point talking yourself out of a shag, right, lads?
The current lawsuit
Strangely, Diddy is being sued by male music producer Lil Rod, who claims he sexually assaulted him and forced him to have sex with prostitutes. It’s difficult at this stage to imagine precisely what happened, but it sounds suspiciously similar to…
All the other lawsuits
In 2023 Diddy’s ex Cassie Ventura accepted a financial settlement after describing ‘a cycle of abuse, violence, and sex trafficking’ lasting a decade. Specifically, she claimed he made her have sex with male prostitutes while he watched, filming and wanking. Diddy currently faces three more lawsuits alleging combinations of rape, violence and drugging women, all of which he denies. What dreadful bad luck for Diddy to have met so many vindictive fantasists.
‘Got Asian women that’ll change my linen after I done blazed and hit ’em’
The unimaginatively-titled track Diddy featured this line until Mr Combs deleted it after accusations of racial stereotyping. Well, yes. Does any rapper ever refer to Asian people outside the context of chop suey and Chinese laundries? It’s also a bit disconcerting that a rap megastar sounds like your racist uncle Trevor who still thinks Chinese restaurants serve up local cats.
Sweatshops
‘Oh God, he doesn’t make his girlfriends work in sweatshops, does he?’ you’re probably thinking by now. No, but it emerged that female workers making Diddy’s Sean John clothing line in sweatshops in Honduras were subjected to strip searches, ‘involuntary pregnancy tests’ and other terrible working conditions. In fairness Diddy’s people investigated and the workers now have a union and better conditions, so while Diddy may have ‘issues’ with women, he does at least allow them access to drinking water.
