A MUM has inspired dread in everyone she knows by announcing that she has written a children’s picture book and is going to get it published.
Emma Bradford spent two whole hours working on the text of Tinky and the Tiny Fairy after making it up for her kids one evening while pissed on a couple of glasses of wine.
Bradford said: “I’ve always fancied being famous and incredibly rich, like JK Rowling and all those other fabulously wealthy children’s authors. I’m sure there are some.
“I just need to get an agent and a publisher, which should be a piece of piss. It’s just sending a couple of emails, right? I’ve no doubt the offers will come rolling in.
“And I’ve also contacted my husband’s cousin, who is a professional book illustrator. She’s doing ok already, but when she reads Tinky, she’ll jump at the opportunity to go stratospheric.
“I’m looking forward to the champagne launch party and bookshop tour, before Warner Brothers snap up the film rights. That will all happen before Christmas, I reckon.”
Children’s book author Carolyn Ryan said: “I make about two grand for a year’s work if I’m lucky. If she wants to get rich quick, I recommend stacking shelves.”