Anora scoops Oscar for best thought-provoking tits

OSCAR darling Anora picked up the much-contested prize for best thought-provoking breasts at last night’s Academy Awards.

Sean Baker’s film about a stripper marrying the son of a Russian oligarch swept the board, winning Oscars including best picture, best director, best actress, and best nudity that really makes you think.

Martin Bishop, a cinematographer and Academy member, said: “Anora is a sublime meditation on sex work, romance and capitalism, all communicated through multiple shots of attractive women dancing topless.

“For me it’s a return to the value of 1970s cinema, when directors had something to say and said it with copious explicit nudity. And the moments when those jugs are swaying on screen are the moments when the message truly hits home.

“Anora doesn’t stigmatize sex workers but depicts their reality respectfully, challenging societal prejudices. And the director’s really done his homework. I shudder to imagine how many strip clubs he visited, night after night after night.

“But it’s not just tits. Anora actually opens with a plethora of arse shots that are freighted with meaning. My interpretation is trauma.”

Cinemagoer Wayne Hayes said: “The Substance was robbed. Its close-ups of a nubile woman pelvic thrusting in a leotard had an understated cinematic power.”

Single woman's busy social life discussed in pitying tone of pensioner with lapdog

A SINGLE woman’s active social life is discussed by her friends in the condescending tone normally used about a grandmother with only a Yorkshire terrier for company. 

Unmarried Nikki Hollis, aged 37, enjoys a wealth of hobbies, solo foreign travel and all-night parties, which according to her married friends ‘at least means she gets out of the house’.

Friend and mother-of-two Sophie Rodriguez said: “Every weekend she’s off seeing a play, going clubbing, having a spa weekend. The poor, overcompensating cow.

“Saturday she was at a champagne reception, drowning her sorrows. Yesterday she posts a video saying ‘I’m so scared’ ostensibly about doing her first sky dive, but really because she’s afraid she’ll never find a man and will die alone.

“Every week she’s at a new restaurant. I suppose it’s an outing and better than the beans on toast she eats every other night. And a chance to hear a voice that isn’t the shipping forecast on Radio 4.

“I don’t know who she thinks she’s fooling with her rock climbing, her girls’ weekends in Lisbon, her art galleries, her gigs, her holidays in Iceland. All the desperate acts of a woman uncertain why she is even alive.”

Hollis said: “Why do all my friends keep randomly telling me I’m brave? Is it because of the camel race I did in Dubai?”