Christmas

A MAN with a sexual proclivity for socks is eagerly anticipating Christmas Day, which for him is the horniest 24 hours of the year.

TOO many kids are happy with mediocre turns their school nativity. Here, Christian Bale explains how put in an Oscar-worthy performance in the role of sheep number three.

A MAN has informed all his female acquaintances that he will be sending out dick pics rather than Christmas cards this year.

THE public has been reminded it is totally normal not to feel a magical, tingly feeling near Christmas if you are an adult.

FEARLESS investigative right-wing journalists have once again managed to stop a conspiracy to cancel Christmas.

CHRISTMAS isn’t Christmas without a trip to a Winter Wonderland held on a patch of waste ground behind the local B&Q.

A SANTA hat teamed with hi-viz on a worker down the council recycling centre unaccountably fails to lift the spirit. Nor does it on these occasions.

THE public has been reminded there are only 14 of the most hellish days left until the most stressful time of the year.

PUBS are full of twats at the best of times. But at Christmas they’re filled with a special range of festive idiots, including these.

A WOMAN is standing inside looking out at the pissing rain that traditionally envelops Britain in December and feeling a Yuletide glow of warmth.