Christmas

A WOMAN who only uses emails or texts during the rest of the year has discovered she has lost the ability to produce legible writing with a pen.

IT’S coming up to Christmas, which means some tosser will make you sit next to them to watch a Christmas movie they love and you don’t. Like these.

CHILDREN are being taken to see a Santa behind a plastic screen with masked elves and mandatory hand gel to keep the magic of Christmas alive. 

A WOMAN who claims she is desperate to spend time with her extended family this year has forgotten that she usually hides in the bathroom drinking wine.

A MAN has been ejected from his living room sofa so his wife has space to enjoy a blanket.

WHO doesn’t love a smug ‘round robin’ message in which friends and relatives tell you how well things are going for their family? But what do they really mean? 

A KEEN amateur cook has made a Christmas pudding no one will eat a bite of come the big day.

CHRISTMAS isn’t merry if you haven’t even got sixpence to put in the Christmas pudding. Here’s how to get by if you’re brassic this festive season.

MEN have been reminded they only have four days left before they need to start doing their Christmas shopping.

CHRISTMAS wouldn't be Christmas without being forced to leave the sofa and your food coma for a tedious board game. But which ones will spark the best rows?