Christmas

CHRISTMAS - remember that? But now it keeps getting cancelled by the woke brigade. Makes you choke on your turkey, except you’re not allowed that unless it’s halal.

A DOG is still worried about the humans who collect his shit because they spent money on unnecessary presents for an occasion he does not understand.

A WORKING-CLASS family taken on a traditional Boxing Day walk are still struggling to work out why four days later.

A MOTHER has confessed she is unable to eat, sleep or feel anything but crushing guilt because her children have yet to write ‘thank you’ letters. 

A LOVING family has started a magical new festive tradition of peering at elderly relatives through glass.

A FAMILY has passed another year without bothering to get to know one another well enough to buy suitable presents.

A BRITISH grandmother remains convinced that £5 is still a reasonable Christmas gift for her adult grandchildren.

A DAD has decided to make comments about recent public health regulations during every Christmas movie.

PAINFUL Christmas conversations with your relatives are a fine Christmas tradition. Brace yourself for these topics that will inevitably come up.

BOXING Day meals don’t have to live up to any expectations because they’re made entirely from uneaten scraps. Here’s how to prepare one.