We ask you: why hasn't the new England manager chosen all-new players?

NEW England manager Thomas Tuchel has chosen the same tired old players who lost the last two Euros finals. Who should he have picked instead? 

Ryan Whittaker, topiary artist: “He should pick the team like I use Tinder; assume anyone over 23 has too much baggage and focus on those more amenable to his instruction.”

Stephen Malley, screenwriter: “And when he has the option, as a German, of picking from their lads as well. Poor.”

Helen Archer, sandblaster: “We do have Myles Lewis-Skelly in the squad, who from the name I assume is a louche, smoking aristocrat recently stepped off a three-masted schooner from Saskatchewan where he’d been hunting Bigfoot.”

Jordan Gardner, marriage counselor: “Good to see Marcus Rashford back. Really sets the bar at ‘doing alright for Villa’.”

Charlotte Phelps, confectioner: “Why play Danny Dyer’s son-in-law when we could have the real thing?”

Man remembers he's ashamed England are managed by a German