THE offside rule is so simple even a woman can easily understand it, experts have confirmed.
As Chelsea and Liverpool prepare to face off against each other in tomorrow’s You’ve Disappointed Your Parents Cup final, experts agreed it would be impossible for a woman to not understand the offside rule because it is one of the rules of football.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Of all the non-American sports, football is easily the most childishly simple.
“It is not Fermat’s Last Theorem. It is a game designed specifically for low-grade morons who have to be told when to go to the toilet.
“Claiming you don’t understand the offside rule is just one of those things people say at parties, because if they really didn’t understand it they would be either a potato or a bar of soap.”
Helen Archer, a woman from Stevenage, said: “Yes, that all seems perfectly straightforward. And I assume when you say two opposing players that would obviously include the goalkeeper? Okay, that’s fine.
“Now, what really concerns me about this whole offside thing is what happens to the player who has been caught offside. He’s going to blame himself and I hope his teammates are there for him.
“Do they all go for some pasta and a glass of wine and just let him cry it out? Or do they spend the afternoon going mental in designer shops trying on stuff they can’t afford?”
Football fan Nathan Muir said: “I’ve never understood the offside rule. I haven’t tried. It’s shit-boring.”
