THE Tour de France’s leading cyclist is being stalked by a hungry coyote with an arsenal of cack-handed gadgets, it has emerged.
Drawing pins found strewn across the track during stage 14 of the race were discovered to have been manufactured by the Acme company, which vends largely to coyotes of the genus Wile E.
There were also spectator reports of a dog-like creature jumping up and down in frustration as Bradley Wiggins nimbly dodged the sharp pins. The animal was seen to become so angry that it kicked a nearby rock and damaged its foot.
Stewards have since dismantled a massive magnet at stage 15, as well as discovering a plate of delicious cheeses that was booby-trapped with dynamite.
Wildlife expert Tom Logan said: “Wile E Coyotes are known for obsessively stalking a single prey animal, and will persist despite repeated physical injury to themselves.
“It may be that the creature has fixated upon the elusive Wiggins, whose swiftness and physical elegance inadvertently goads the creature.
“Bradley needs to be particularly aware of any holes in the road that have been shoddily covered with foliage. Also he must stay vigilant for bombs and anvils.”
Tour de France organiser Stephen Malley said: “Although reports of roadside snickering alerted us to a possible coyote issue, we did not take the threat seriously because of the creature’s bungling nature.
“However at the end of yesterday’s racing a missing Spanish rider was found disembowelled and partially eaten after riding into a makeshift bamboo cage baited with paella.
“So maybe that coyote’s not so stupid after all.”
