Ferguson to manage Manchester City

ALEX Ferguson will fulfil his lifelong dream of managing Manchester City, the club has confirmed.

The wine-friendly former United manager will take over from Roberto Mancini after the Italian failed to meet the high expectations the club suddenly decided it has.

Ferguson said: Ive driven past their ground late at night, muttering one day, Alex, one day to myself for the last 27 years so I cant wait to get started.”

During his time at Old Trafford the Scot was forced to hide the multiple City tattoos that cover his body, including a life-size picture of Colin Bells face on his chest.

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Is Clegg still deputy prime minister? asks Huhne

CHRIS Huhne left prison today and demanded to know of jet packs, food pills and whether Nick Clegg was somehow still in the government.

After his long incarceration the former cabinet minister stared in wonder at the latest version of the Volkswagen Golf and asked if it was ‘driven by a robot’.

He then quizzed waiting reporters on ‘what Nick Clegg was doing now’ before adding: “No, that’s completely insane. Are you fucking with me?

“But I’ve been in prison for almost two months.”

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