CAN Ryan Whittaker, Now TV and Apple TV, and Hannah Tomlinson, Netflix and Disney Plus, forge a meeting of minds despite the gulf between them?
Hannah on Ryan
First impression?
Pretty good: handsome enough apart from that jaw, clean, tall, nice shirt. Would swipe right, etcetera. All good because I was worried they’d blind date me up with a munter.
How was conversation?
I’ll be real, we struggled to connect. He was enthusing about this thing Masters of the Air which I just could not fathom what it was. Like, a movie? A video game? Apparently it’s a TV show, but it’s not one I’ve ever heard of. I came back by asking his favourite memable Rivals moment. He hadn’t seen it. We were silent then until the waiter came.
Memorable moments?
I guess when he’d never even heard of Selling Sunset, that got an incredulous laugh out of me, but otherwise? It was just us taking turns to say shows then the other one shaking their head.
Favourite thing about Ryan?
He seems like a nice guy. He’s just made poor media choices.
A capsule description?
Puts prestige television before people, which is sad.
Was there a spark?
How could there be? We’re from different worlds.
What happened afterwards?
We parted, not without sadness. His final words ‘You should at least try Severance’ still ringing in my ears.
What would you change about the evening?
I wouldn’t have been paired with someone entirely incompatible.
Will you see each other again?
You know, I’m not even sure we saw each other tonight.
Ryan on Hannah
First impression?
Excellent. Really pretty, confident, engaging. Definitely someone I could curl up and watch The Day of the Jackal with.
How was conversation?
Hard going. She’s not seen House of the Dragon but at least she’d heard of it, which is more than I can say for Barry, Silo, The Morning Show, or The Franchise. She asked if I’d seen Rivals. I explained that’s like asking a sommelier for cherryade.
Memorable moments?
When she’d genuinely never even heard of Slow Horses. I realised she wasn’t just alienated from modern culture, she’s built herself a bunker of trash television and is hiding from the world.
Favourite thing about Hannah?
She seems a good person. I just don’t know what trauma she’s carrying through life to make Cobra Kai seem like the answer.
A capsule description?
Where she walks, I cannot follow.
Was there a spark?
No possibility of one. We didn’t have a single show in common. Why would you choose streaming services that don’t even carry The Sopranos, except wilful ignorance?
What happened afterwards?
We parted. I didn’t look back, not even when she shouted ‘You’d probably like Shogun’.
What would you change about the evening?
I would have stayed home and finished the new series of Bad Sisters.
Will you see each other again?
No. It could have been so different if they hadn’t cracked down on password sharing.
