CAN Oliver O’Connor, aged 34, who’s very proud of his open relationship, find magic with 29-year-old Jo Kramer who had no idea that was his deal?
Oliver on Jo
First impression?
Reminds me a little of Sandra, who left my polycule in 2021, a little of Ruth who left late last year and a little of India who I’m seeing Wednesday. So definitely my type.
How was conversation?
Incredibly she’s never dated a man in an open relationship before, even though polygamy is the hot trend in love lives right now, so I was happy to explain how it works to her. And that girl is definitely polycurious!
Memorable moments?
She was asking so many questions about my other girlfriends I eventually handed over my phone so she could swipe through for herself. And she had it for ages! Hey, I’m still here!
Favourite thing about Jo?
I think she’d fit in perfectly on Thursday nights, kind of a warm-up-for-the-weekend vibe. Which I told her and she was flattered. Also India would definitely want a three-way with her. I told her that too.
A capsule description?
Maybe my ambition’s getting ahead of my dick, but I want another girlfriend and Jo’s it! Arrgh!
Was there a spark?
Oh, without a doubt. Her eyes were alive with the excitement of it all night.
What happened afterwards?
Jo had a pressing engagement and I had to go back to Ronia for the night because, as I explained, I wasn’t about to neglect her just because a new chick had danced into my life and swept me away. Jo was very understanding.
What would you change about the evening?
Perhaps I should have brought India with me, but paying for cocktails for three? Ouch!
Will you see each other again?
We certainly will. I’ve emailed her the rota and asked her to fit herself in.
Jo on Oliver
First impression?
How do I put this? Good-looking, but not as good-looking as he thinks he is? Exuding a sexual confidence that seems unearned? With a shit moustache?
How was conversation?
One-sided. Because he’s in an open relationship and did not linger for one moment to ask if I was comfortable with that, instead filling me in at great length about all his shags. Like, by name and preferred position.
Memorable moments?
I got sick of the bragging and said ‘let’s see these girlfriends then’ and he handed over his phone. Yeah. Why do girls in open relationships always look like that?
Favourite thing about Oliver?
It’s great he was so candid, otherwise I might have considered I was on a real date for longer than the first sip of the first drink.
A capsule description?
Like dating a Channel 5 documentary.
Was there a spark?
Fuck no. He’s a walking dick pic. Ready-lubed.
What happened afterwards?
I lied and he was off to see his original girlfriend, who was the one who looked most miserable in the photos. Took some photos of him though. The girls will want to see them. Frankly I’ll be telling this story for years.
What would you change about the evening?
Honestly nothing. I got a free dinner and a freakshow. That’s a night out.
Will you see each other again?
Absolutely fucking not. Though I am going to write ‘Spunkmaster’s Day Off’ and ‘Get 70,000 mile service for cock+balls’ all over his Google calendar.
