Fifteen-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, has been given an important responsibility during anti-bullying week.
WAGWAN? At ease, fam. You is in safe hands. It was hanti-bullyin’ week last week and school recognised Active J’s bossness by awarding man to be da hanti-bullyin’ hambassador for man’s year. Gassed! Gassed! Gassed!
Miss Jackson woz da hanti-bullyin’ queen an’ honoured Active J wiv a badge of hauthority in hassembly, in a ceremony in front of da schooldem. Miss sed Hambassador J ‘ad to set a bare peng hexample to all da studentdem, not just be a righteous bruv, like Active J to mandem crew, innit.
Miss sed Hambassador J had to check manself, coz happarently banter can be bullyin’ too, fam. Just coz man finks Drilla is a dickhead does not mean man should say so all da time. An’ heven though him’s head is shaped like a dick, tellin’ him would be discrimination bullyin’, innit.
Coz, fam, Hambassador J ‘as learned bullyin’ takes all shapes an’ forms. It’s not just da violence, it can be makin’ a bruv feel low coz him’s not goin’ skiing dis winter. Or there’s da passive-haggressive bullyin’ ting: if a brand muggle finks him’s swag coz him’s wearin’ turkey trainers, it’s bullyin’ to make fun of him’s drip, heven though him knows him’s a wasteman.
Man woz given da bare responsibility to hinform Miss Jackson if Hambassador J saw any bullyin’. Fam, it woz heverywhere: in da lessons, in da corridors, hespecially in da bogs. Hambassador J sent 37 pupildem to line up houtside Miss Jackson’s room. And a dinna lady too, coz her gave man kale wiv him’s venison. Rank, bruv. Dat lady went straight to da top of man’s list.
By da end of da dinna break Hambassador J ‘ad been busy harrestin’ bullies, an’ woz gaggin’ for a chug, but man ‘ad forgot him’s Cherry Bakewell fruity pie vape. So man hasked a crew bruv on da hastroturf for a chug, but him’s sed no way, coz man woz da feds now. Wot? Is you for real, bruv?
Hambassador J woz pure vexed an’ sed man woz still Active J – bossman roadman. Den him blew da vape fume into man’s face, which woz a well peng Mint Choc Chip flavour, but made man turbo-raged, innit. So man took off him’s badge an’ bare threw hands at da deadman. Den da year heleven Hambassador pulled man off an’ reported Active J for bullyin’.
Miss Jackson woz not peng wiv man in so many shouty ways, fam. Man thought Miss woz a little bit bullyin’, but man did not report her to her’s-self, coz Active J woz not to be Hambassador J hever, hever hagain.
