Politics

THE price for celebrating Christmas without curbs will be months of hardcore lockdown restrictions starting on Boxing Day.

LORD Frost has resigned as Brexit minister because the reality of the job was ruining the clean, pure, eternally gratifying Brexit of his imagination.

THE UK’s entire population has rejected claims that the latest Downing Street party is a work meeting because it know a piss-up when it sees one.

THE Conservatives have asked the people of North Shropshire to specify which horrendous f**k-up made them vote for the Lib Dems.

THE Lib Dems have been warned not to think their by-election win in North Shropshire means they are popular or anything. 

BORIS Johnson is getting to know his new baby, Romy, and desperately trying not to think about the disastrous by-election result. Here he gives his advice on being a great dad.

I’M off to vote later, and rest assured I’ll be addressing issues like ‘woke’ and Muslims that make f**k all difference to North Shropshire or in fact most of the UK.

I’M not a complete chump, I know what you people think of me. That I’m a corrupt, incompetent arse only interested in yours truly, rather than the country I’ve bafflingly been elected to govern. 

THE biggest Conservative majority in three decades has been wanked away to nothing by a complete dickhead of a leader.

A MAN up in arms about having to prove he is vaccinated is totally cool about Dominic Raab’s scrapping the Human Rights Act.