Politics

HEY, BBC. I like the broadcasting corporation you got there. David Attenborough. Nice. Real national treasure. Strictly Come Dancing. Light entertainment a country can really sink its teeth into. Like I say, nice.

THE prime minister has announced that the only jobs MPs will be allowed from now on are Telegraph columnist, writing books about Shakespeare or Mayor of London.

ALL rail, road and footpath links to Leeds are to be severed permanently from the end of 2021, the government has announced.

NAIVE dickheads are speculating whether Boris Johnson, who won an 80-seat majority on lies and illegal shit, can survive a few corrupt mates.

THE Tory sleaze scandal does not have as much knee-trembling action as its name suggests, according to a disappointed public.

LABOUR and SNP MPs who were so pissed when they arrived for an event in Gibraltar that one was in a wheelchair have sent their parties soaring in the polls.

WANT to transform your dreary, underpaid job into a fountain of cash like a Tory MP? Just follow these steps.

A CONSERVATIVE MP is to use today’s Commons sleaze debate to recommend huggably soft for sensitive skin Fairy Non Bio.

THE Conservative party is once again riotously corrupt, but which sleaze is your MP indulging in for their own enrichment?

OWEN Paterson has resigned his position as an MP while keeping the job he got in trouble for that earned him half-a-million pounds.