Politics

IT’S 3am, I’m off my face in an Aberdeen nightclub and I’m the chancellor of the Duchy of f**king Lancaster.

THE latest great news about the post-Brexit sunlit uplands is that websites won’t ask for cookies anymore. What others are there? 

BACK in 2001, I started a lovely little war, all about feminism and religious freedom and democracy. But Joe Biden’s ruined it and he should be ashamed of himself and I shouldn’t.

BREXIT now involves so much blind faith, devotion and wilful ignorance of earthly consequences that it qualifies as an actual religion, adherents have confirmed.

SHOULD I have made one quick phone call which might have helped translators evacuate Afghanistan? We’ll never know. But let me explain why I was too snowed under to do it.

THE BBC’s flagship political panel show was once a civilised platform on which heavyweight politicians could debate. This is what it’s like now:

A BACKBENCH Tory MP has excoriated the Afghan people for not starting a fist fight with the Taliban as he would have done in their position.

SURPRISED by the problems of leaving the EU? You probably chose to ignore the issues foreseen by people you hilariously called 'Remoaners'.

THE Taliban’s swift takeover of Afghanistan surprised nobody, with the exception of perpetually astonished foreign secretary Dominic Raab. Here’s what else he didn’t expect.

THE situation in Kabul is heartbreaking. But when I wholeheartedly supported the invasion in 2001, you have to admit it was pretty bloody exciting and badass.