A CONSERVATIVE MP is to use today’s Commons sleaze debate to recommend huggably soft for sensitive skin Fairy Non Bio.
Joseph Turner, member for Monmouth, will counter Labour’s accusations of Tory corruption by holding the detergent high and promising it is the best on the market for shifting stains while leaving clothes soft and fresh.
Turner said: “The same old clapped-out lazy Labour stories about sleaze are a black mark on the white sheet of our democracy. Like Bold or Daz, they are irritating.
“But voters can rest easy in clean, comfortable beds safe in the knowledge that the Conservatives will wash out all those stubborn smears and stenches of immorality, just as Fairy Non Bio does to your laundry.
“Available as pods, liquid or the traditional powder Michael Gove swears by, Fairy Non Bio banishes troublesome thoughts about needing to replace your government.
“There, that’s my hour’s consulting work done for this month. Invoice £33,000 to be paid in 30 days.”
Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer said: “I mean, it is true that no matter what shit they’re in it just washes off like it was never f**king there.”