Politics

NICK Griffin is to step down as leader of the British National Party and form a funk/reggae fusion project with Aswad.

CARTOON despot Skeletor has launched his bid for the Labour leadership.

LABOUR leadership challenger Ed Miliband pissed the bed when he was 15, David Miliband said yesterday.

BRITAIN'S favourite entertainers are to make everything you buy much more expensive before deciding whether to let you keep your house.

BRITAIN'S long, national nightmare was over last night as the nation was once again placed in the safe, reliable hands of some vaguely effeminate public school boys.

AFTER five hectic days the general election produced a result last night as the sociopath who has been dicking about with your life for the last 13 years finally got the fucking message.

CONSERVATIVE MPs will be forced to have at least one gay friend each and install a filthy stone age toilet in their homes under any coalition deal with the Liberal Democrats.

LIBERAL Democrat leader Nick Clegg is today wondering whether he should have sex with something that is obviously dead.

BRITAIN will today once again cast its vote guided by a series of worthless opinions with no basis in fact.

THE Labour Party has urged its vote riggers in key marginal seats to make it look as if quite a lot of fictional people have voted Liberal Democrat.