Politics

AN 11-year-old boy who is pretty good at maths and careful with money has been tipped as George Osborne’s replacement.

DAVID Cameron is in floods of tears today after having taken Ecstasy with Boris Johnson at the Olympics closing ceremony.

REPUBLICAN presidential candidate Mitt Romney has concluded a visit to Russia by relieving himself on the casket containing the enbalmed body of Lenin.

MP AIDAN Burley last night reassured friends that he is still on schedule to be prime minister by 2017.

MEMBERS of the United Nations met last night to discuss the crisis threatening to engulf the Twilight saga.

GORDON Brown was painfully probed by aliens at the behest of Tony Blair, government files have revealed.

POLITICAL commentators are being repeatedly asked to explain exactly what a Tory rebel is and if they look anything like James Dean.

GEORGE Osborne has launched a fresh attack on Ed Balls, saying he is 'pretty sure' the shadow chancellor is a vampire.

THE coalition government has launched a £10m campaign encouraging everyone to hate the Greeks.

THE BBC has asked the Olympic volunteer who heckled David Cameron during a pre-games speech to contact them about potential work.