Politics

IF the answer to Britain's economic problems is Vince Cable then what are the schools like in the Dordogne, it was claimed last night.

THE Conservatives have pledged to reverse Labour's national insurance hike by selling no more than 1.5m of Britain's least important children.

THE tiny foetus growing inside the wife of Tory leader David Cameron will slash front line services and wreck Britain's fragile economic recovery, the prime minister claimed last night.

FOUR Labour MPs have claimed expenses for getting caught offering to peddle their influence to the highest bidder like common whores.

BRITAIN'S biggest trade union today ordered Gordon Brown to describe it as 'deplorable'.

NICK Clegg has pledged to raise the amount of semen coating the inside of Britain's tube socks by at least a fifth.

THE Conservative Party leadership are to shift the focus of their election campaign to securing the support of their own wives.

GORDON Brown is considering granting parole to the Yorkshire Ripper in the hope of another opinion poll boost.

VOTERS across Britain have expressed outrage at Lord Ashcroft's ability to avoid more tax than them.

BRITISH politics was in turmoil last night after a man you have never heard of was elected to do something you couldn't care less about.