Politics

MINISTERS are pushing ahead with plans for an upper house of Parliament operated by the Jim Henson Workshop.

THE Queen is to shake hands with Sinn Fein's Martin McGuinness at the place in Belfast where Rihanna's We Found Love video was filmed.

THE Conservative party has unveiled new plans to cut housing benefit and income support for anyone with less than £25 million in capital holdings.

EVERY political issue in the entire world has been sorted out during a single night of drunkenness in a Mexican cantina.

SIXTEEN electronic curfew tags have been discovered on Home Secretary Theresa May's leg.

NICK Clegg has instructed Liberal Democrat MPs to no longer give any indication of noticing anything.

TUCK-LOVING Communities Secretary Eric Pickles has been severely reprimanded after unveiling yet another grub-based 'cohesion strategy'.

ANDREW Lansley is to be toured across the nation as its officially-appointed hate sponge.

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is stuck on Level 2-3 of Angry Birds, with a similarly poor performance at Fruit Ninja.

TRANSPORT Secretary Justine Greening believes there is currently some sort of legal limit to how fast Britons can go on the motorway, it has emerged.