Politics

DAVID Cameron is to halt the rise of the BNP by ensuring they have nothing to complain about.

THE European Union last night agreed a multi-billion pound bailout of Nick Clegg's storm-tossed emotions.

TORY bastard Oliver Letwin may have struck gold with his desire to confine the working class to their hellholes, it has been claimed.

ED Miliband thinks getting married should do the trick, it has been confirmed.

BURNING Fortnum and Mason to the ground is a more credible alternative to the budget cuts than Ed Miliband, a survey has found.

GEORGE Osborne will today let the average family look at £45 of their own money as it travels from the Treasury to British Gas.

WILLIAM Hague was under fresh attack last night after raising the terrible spectre of his mojo.

David Cameron and Nick Clegg will today set out their opposing views on the mechanism by which the House of Commons is filled with thieves, cretins and weirdos.

THE Tories get all of their money from people who are not hellish keen on left-wing politics, it emerged today.

CHANCELLOR George Osborne will rethink an April fuel price rise after acknowledging its effects on his ability to live.