Politics

GEORGE Osborne has launched a fresh attack on Ed Balls, saying he is 'pretty sure' the shadow chancellor is a vampire.

THE coalition government has launched a £10m campaign encouraging everyone to hate the Greeks.

THE BBC has asked the Olympic volunteer who heckled David Cameron during a pre-games speech to contact them about potential work.

MINISTERS are pushing ahead with plans for an upper house of Parliament operated by the Jim Henson Workshop.

THE Queen is to shake hands with Sinn Fein's Martin McGuinness at the place in Belfast where Rihanna's We Found Love video was filmed.

THE Conservative party has unveiled new plans to cut housing benefit and income support for anyone with less than £25 million in capital holdings.

EVERY political issue in the entire world has been sorted out during a single night of drunkenness in a Mexican cantina.

SIXTEEN electronic curfew tags have been discovered on Home Secretary Theresa May's leg.

NICK Clegg has instructed Liberal Democrat MPs to no longer give any indication of noticing anything.

TUCK-LOVING Communities Secretary Eric Pickles has been severely reprimanded after unveiling yet another grub-based 'cohesion strategy'.