Politics

THE prime minister has complained that Cornish surfing is dominated by a clique of wealthy public schoolboys.

UKIP voters have insisted they did not sign up for a party that was going to include politicians who could almost pass for normal.

THE Tory MP who defected to UKIP has asked when he gets his free golliwog.

GOVERNMENT cuts affect poor people less because they like horrible cheap shit, the Conservatives have explained.

NIGEL Farage has confirmed UKIP's general election manifesto will be printed as an optical illusion.

UNMARRIED people are to be forced into strangers' family homes as long-lost aunts or uncles, the government has announced.

UKIP has asked for clarification on whether ‘casual racism’ is the same as ‘proper racism’.

IAIN Duncan Smith has promised more welfare cuts while concealing his groin behind a wooden podium.

BORIS Johnson's highly capable manservant Hardwicke has advised him to stand as an MP.

THE next Muslim woman appointed to the government will wear the veil and walk four steps behind the prime minister.