Politics

THE chancellor has declared that a new city is to be built following the principles of Osbornism.

ED Miliband is to deny you the right to make a cretinous, ill-informed choice about Europe.

TONY Blair is to give all his material possessions to the Labour Party.

ED Miliband has admitted to employing a nasty little Scottish woman to help around the house.

NICK Clegg and Nigel Farage are to argue in public about which of their two parties contains the most freaks.

BRITAIN’S three main political parties have been urged to rule out any kind of government whatsoever after the next election.

THE North Sea's oil and gas fields have mounted a campaign to cut all ties with Scotland and govern themselves.

DAVID Cameron has been seen flicking through an old copy of a play about the king having a bishop killed.

THE prime minister has claimed that welfare reform offers ‘new hope, like Luke Skywalker at the beginning of Star Wars’.

THE economic recovery is finally paying dividends for Britain’s craziest political nutjobs.