Politics

THE prime minister has said he will only participate in a TV debate if there are at least two mental participants to make him look good.

UKIP leader Nigel Farage will vet every potential immigrant to Britain, including a full medical.

THE planet has confirmed that it does not support the Greens or want them to be encouraged.

THE House of Lords is to introduce a decriminalised zone where peers can prostitute themselves without fear of arrest.

BRITISH politics was in turmoil today after a documentary revealed that UKIP has been infiltrated by racists.

BRITAIN is deeply disappointed in Malcolm Rifkind and ecstatic that Jack Straw’s reputation has been utterly destroyed.

BARRY Chuckle has taken a shock three-point lead in the run-up to the general election. 

DAVID Cameron is to tackle obesity by chasing every overweight person in Britain through a shower room whilst flicking their buttocks with a damp towel.

BORIS Johnson is to have his US personality Big Tex Johnson removed and sent to the States to live an independent life.

LABOUR has deployed the famous Vengabus to capture the crucial youth vote in marginal constituencies.