Politics

MICHAEL Gove has been abducted by the militant Marxist group Enemies of Promise.

GEORGE Osborne has reassured Britain that the new housing boom he is trying to create will never, ever end.

GEORGE Osborne is putting off doing the Budget with a series of trivial distractions.

UK RESIDENTS are to be reclassified as snails, in a government bid to avoid the jurisdiction of the European Court of Human Rights.

THE government has scrapped plans to educate people aged between five and 22.

UNABLE to continue blaming the English for their misfortunes, an independent Scotland will instead hate cats.

DAVID Cameron has pledged to settle, once and for all, the question of why Britain is so shit.