Politics

IAIN Duncan Smith has promised more welfare cuts while concealing his groin behind a wooden podium.

BORIS Johnson's highly capable manservant Hardwicke has advised him to stand as an MP.

THE next Muslim woman appointed to the government will wear the veil and walk four steps behind the prime minister.

ALEX Salmond's advisors are split on how much thigh he should reveal for Tuesday's televised debate.

THE prime minister is to impose sanctions on Russia's wealthiest city, London.

ED Miliband is planning to show Barack Obama his collection of 2000AD comics, many with free gifts still on the cover.

IT’S the reshuffle everyone’s talking about, if you ignore the overwhelming majority of conversations.

MICHAEL Gove is to spend his days in his local library, using the internet in a furtive manner.

MILLIONAIRES who tried to avoid donating to the Conservative party are to be hit with punitive tax bills.

GOOD morning and congratulations on making the best decision of your life - you’re going to vote UKIP.