Politics

GEORGE Osborne slept soundly last night, despite being visited by three ghosts warning him to repent.

THE RED box which Margaret Thatcher's immortal demonic soul was tricked into entering has sold at auction for £242,500.

THE prime minister thinks the word ‘bruv’ is a slang term for a hot drink.

THE UKIP leader has confirmed he remains popular with white working-class voters and attractive to women.

DEFENCE secretary Michael Fallon has spent the whole of today's Syria debate doodling bombs and explosions.

LABOUR MPs instructed to vote with their consciences are struggling to remember where they left them.

ENGLISH bulldogs have confirmed that they think the views of Britain First are wrong.

FORMER minister Grant Shapps is being forced to earn a living with his own get-rich-quick schemes.

THE Labour Party has agreed to vote on Syria next week and then ‘knock it on the head’.

JEREMY Corbyn has apologised after the shadow chancellor quoted Mao in the Commons yesterday, clarifying that he always preferred Pol Pot.