Politics

BRITISH citizens’ right to never be more than 1,000 metres from a branch of Greggs will be enshrined in law, the government confirmed yesterday.

DAVID Cameron and Donald Trump have learned mutual respect after being stranded together in a remote wilderness.

MANY Brexit supporters are confused by Boris Johnson’s negative comparison of the EU to Nazi Germany, it has emerged.

THE presidents of Nigeria and Afghanistan have been overheard discussing how the British government is 'fantastically corrupt'.

IAIN Duncan Smith has delivered a major speech on Europe by repeatedly headbutting a wooden podium. 

BRITAIN'S flocks are at risk of being devastated by an enormous wolf, David Cameron has warned.

A FURIOUS Zac Goldsmith is throwing gold bars through 90-inch televisions, it has been confirmed.

MODERATE Labour MPs wielding knives are asking if Labour’s results are bad enough to slaughter Jeremy Corbyn.

TORY London mayoral candidate Zac Goldsmith has locked himself in a toilet with a book of Latin poetry and some truffles.

VOTERS are heading to polling stations to decide if the nation will stay in the EU, before discovering that one is next month.