Politics

RESCUING child refugees is the sort of sentimental nonsense that belongs in films, senior Tories have confirmed.

BORIS Johnson has escalated his war on Barack Obama by claiming the US President stole his bike.

IT IS time for changeling Michael Gove to return to his own kind, according to malevolent woodland sprites.

POLITICIANS treat voters like children because they act like children, experts have confirmed.

LEAVING the EU will prevent Britons from ever having sex again, George Osborne has warned.

TORY MPs say that dating a woman who is not a dominatrix is virtually impossible.

NICK Clegg has made public his Sainsbury's Nectar account in a bid for transparency over his finances.

DAVID Cameron has chosen to avoid an £80,000 tax bill instead of a shabby and humiliating end to his career.

JEREMY Corbyn is finally starting to like being Labour leader.

THE prime minister has admitted making £80,000 from importing heroin but that it ended well before the 2010 election.