THE referendum ballot paper includes an option for voters whose priority is not upsetting their friends, officials have explained.
Voters can ignore the ‘Remain’ and ‘Leave’ boxes and simply put a cross next to ‘How my friends voted’ if they just want to fit in and not risk losing popularity.
Referendum official Donna Sheridan said: “It became apparent that many voters were too spineless, gormless or lazy to form their own opinions.
“As a result we’ve offered a third choice in which our computers record your vote as however your friends have voted. If their opinions are divided, it just copies the most gobby ones.
“This option has the advantage of preventing tension in households, workplaces and pubs because it enables you to go with the flow, like a sheep in a lorry going to the abattoir.”
Office manager Roy Hobbs said: “If I have my own opinion it might be different to my friend Geoff and he’ll say I want 10 million immigrants to come here.
“But if my friends all vote remain and I don’t they’ll say ‘D’you want people to lose their jobs?’, but what I really want is to not think about it at all.
“So after careful consideration I’m voting how everyone else votes. You won’t change my mind because I’m sticking to my decision, whatever it is.”
