Politics

THERESA May has told the portrait of Margaret Thatcher that hangs in her living room that she was too kind-hearted.

Economy: Get. A. Fucking. Job.

DAVID Cameron has admitted the story about him inserting his penis into a pig’s head is ‘completely true’.

THERESA May has warned all citizens that late registration will not be tolerated.

ANDREA Leadsom has apologised for her controversial ‘motherhood’ comments, insisting she just has incredibly poor judgement and no empathy for other people.

JEREMY Corbyn has backed Andrea Leadsom to be Tory leader on the grounds that unelectable radicals should stick together.

BRITAIN is to start the weekend early in celebration of Michael Gove’s pathetic failure.

TORY leadership candidate Andrea Leadsom’s CV list her current position as 'Prime Minister of the UK from 2010-ongoing'.

NIGEL Farage has resigned as UKIP leader to focus on designing neo-fascist political posters for international clients.

CONSERVATIVE leadership candidate, Stephen Crabb, has announced he will cure every homosexual in Britain within three years.