Politics

SHADOW foreign secretary Emily Thornberry is not an asset to her pub quiz team, it has been claimed.

LABOUR leadership candidate Owen Smith used last night’s BBC hustings to repeat that while both candidates are shit, Jeremy Corbyn is also deranged.

THERESA May has confirmed that Michael Gove’s prison reform, education policies and canteen pass have all been cancelled with extreme prejudice.

DISGRACED MP Keith Vaz has refused to resign because that is not how Labour works these days.

NICK Clegg’s memoir has left the nation reeling with the revelation that Gove and Osborne are a pair of twats.

A LABOUR Party led by JK Rowling would win an election easily, according to voters who have maintained their grasp on reality.

A BREXIT brainstorming session has come up with the idea of boosting the UK’s economy by remaining in the EU.

WITH his re-election as Labour leader a certainty, Jeremy Corbyn has admitted he is only performing hopelessly to annoy rival Owen Smith.

VOTERS might try to find out what they are voting for if there is a second EU referendum, they have announced.

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn regularly stays far too long when he visits a friend’s house.