Politics

THE QUEEN'S speech will be delayed while Democratic Unionists and Tories debate whether cats help witches cast spells against Christians.

THERESA May has been spotted in a park trying to coerce a squirrel into joining a coalition.

THE Democratic Unionist Party is ready to do a deal based on a 'soft' Brexit, a guarantee on state pensions and the total rejection of evolution.

THERESA May has been pondering exactly when she changed from a competent, ambitious politician into a deranged Brexit crusader.

LABOUR has taken the west London seat of Kensington amid a high turnout by the constituency’s disgruntled former steelworkers.

THE Conservative Party has reassured Britain that the government being propped up by swivel-eyed, religious lunatics will be ‘totally fine’.  

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn has congratulated himself after being beaten by a political idiot.

THE UK has ordered Theresa May to remain in position for a few weeks so it can relish her humiliation.

EVERYONE on your social media accounts agrees that it will be a Tory landslide or a shock Labour victory, depending on who you are. 

THOUSANDS of Briton are deciding whether or not democracy is worth getting rained on.