Politics

BEGINNING to think the government has ballsed things up but refuse to admit Boris might not be the new Churchill? Here’s what to tell yourself.

JACOB Rees-Mogg has retired to the family vault to wait out the next 150 years until humanity has recovered enough to deserve him again.

IS it impossible for the Left to be positive? Are they so blinded by ideology they can’t recognise this government’s achievements?

THE bookshelf of Sir Iain Duncan Smith has a full run of British pornographic magazine Fiesta hand-bound in leather, photos have confirmed.

THE government has confirmed they have contingency plans in place in case Boris Johnson begins making good decisions.

THE prime minister has warned that lockdown measures may remain in place for months because of how badly they have f**ked this up. 

IS Winston Zipwire Johnson too much? Here are some other names for my new son that will start him on the road to greatness.

ARE you responsible for something very important and it’s turned into a total shitshow? Here’s how to try and convince yourself and others that everything’s fine.

BY the time testing is reliably rolled out, either the crisis, or the world, might have ended. Here are some tests that are more dependable than the UK government’s current offering.

LOSING track of exactly which government f**k-up came when? Follow our pandemic timeline.