Why we all have a moral duty to join Liz Truss's uncensored social media network

Liz Truss, Britain’s most condensed prime minister, is launching a social media network for uncensored free speech. And we, as a nation, have a moral duty to join. 

Because all of us, no matter our political persuasion, have things we feel we need to say. Things which it would be all the sweeter to say within earshot of Liz Truss.

The former member for Thanet, now a speaker at Bedford cryptocurrency conference though significantly not a keynote speaker, touched all of our lives during her two months as prime minister. Well, 50 days. And the first ten or so didn’t count because of the Queen.

Consequently we all, especially those of us on variable-rate mortgages, have opinions we would happily share. And the best bit? Truss promises her social network will be without censorship of any kind!

Whatever you say on BrainTruss, as it may well be named, it will be posted without any fear of it being suppressed. No matter what you say. No matter who you say it about.

Picture it. The first day of TrussFun. Registration opens. Millions of us register. We all draw breath and type our first post, our free speech guaranteed. Knowing that at the other end of a router Liz herself waits to see it.

We could post pictures, perhaps of groceries. We could post opinions. We could interact. We could boost each others’ posts, especially the funny ones. And make the first day on TrussFall one of the most memorable of Liz’s life.

The country stands ready by its phones and laptops for this wonderful idea by Britain’s most respected pork marketeer. We will not let her down.

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Pub quiz just Fight Club for middle-aged men named Nigel

REGULARS at a pub quiz have confirmed it is a battle arena at which they release their repressed masculinity via knowledge of trivia. 

Middle-aged drinkers with names like Keith, Malcolm, Alan and Keith again attend the Prince of Wales quiz in Ramsgate to unleash their animal urges in gladiatorial battles which make them feel truly alive.

Quiz lover Norman Steele said: “The first rule of the Prince of Wales quiz is that you don’t talk about the Prince of Wales quiz. We’ve tried it, nobody’s interested.

“We gather together, teeth bared, bellies hanging low, to set free the innate aggression suppressed by our cosseted lives as retired chartered accountants. It’s mano e mano. Only the strong survive.

“When I subjugated Roy in the quickfire questions, I saw his lip quiver at my answer that it was – obviously – Alan Sunderland who scored the final goal for Arsenal in the 1979 cup final. I’ve never felt such power.

“The others lifted and carried me the best they could, given the stickiness of the floors and Nigel’s carpal tunnel issues, while I roared ‘who’s the daddy?’ as Roy rocked and sobbed, suffering a public ego death. I believe similar scenes occur in men’s prisons.

“The prize? A round of drinks and bragging rights over the whole district of Thanet. Walking like a man for the next seven days. The possibility of the ghost of an erection.”