A WISTFUL Conservative party has decided to indulge in one last miners’ strike for old times’ sake.
By opening a coal mine in Cumbria, the government hopes to relive the heady glory days of the Thatcher era when the police could twat picketing workers in the face with truncheons.
Communities secretary Michael Gove said: “I don’t care about generating jobs or harming the environment. I just want to see Northern plebeians charged at by mounted officers. It makes me feel all tingly inside.
“I and my constituents yearn for those good old days. These modern strikes aren’t the same. There aren’t crowds of people throwing bricks at each other like you used to get in proper industrial action. So let’s bring it back for one last hurrah before the idiot public finally boots us out.
“It’ll have something for everyone. Old-timers who remember miners’ strikes from the first time round will get a nostalgic rush, and youngsters will dig its retro charm in the same way they got into Kate Bush via Stranger Things.
“Okay, the miners will ultimately get a raw deal, but that’s kind of the point. We’ve got to remain faithful to the source material by not giving a f**k about them.”
