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Nobody told me I'd have to work Saturdays, says Farage

A DISGRUNTLED Nigel Farage has complained that nobody informed him MPs could be called into Parliament on Saturdays at short notice. 

The member for Clacton was horrified to receive an alert late on Friday telling him the Commons would be sitting the following day when he had already made plans.

He said: “Oh for f**k’s sake. I thought I’d left all that behind when I quit the City.

“So much for Labour banning zero-hours contracts. Summoned in at the weekend and I find out less than 12 hours earlier? I might as well be doing shifts at Sports Direct.

“It’s alright for all the politics nerds doing their selfies on the train. I’ve got pubs to go to, pints to drink, common sense to opine. I suppose they think cigarettes smoke themselves?

“And I’m meant to jump just because Starmer wants to save British Steel, which really should be my thing because it’s got ‘British’ in it? Bloody cheek. A man’s Saturdays are his own.”

He added: “I didn’t go, obviously. But it’s the principle.”

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Perhaps allowing foreign billionaires to make us their bitch was a flawed strategy, muses Britain

THE UK is re-examining its long-held belief that allowing foreign billionaires to control every aspect of its daily life is a simply brilliant idea. 

The government’s takeover of British Steel, in order that we may still have steel, has Britons questioning the wisdom of everything from housing to water to energy being in the hands of those who are, at best, indifferent to our wellbeing.

Nathan Muir of Hitchin said: “I remember wondering, when China was building a nuclear power station for us, if other countries would let us do that for them. And concluding ‘no’.

“And yes, it would seem that placing services crucial to your functioning as a nation under the control of those who couldn’t give a f**k about it is, long-term, dicey. Still at least it’s made us rich, except it hasn’t.

“It’s a bit like giving ownership and responsibility over your lungs to your mate Phil, who gets bored and gives them to Hans, who leases them to Sunil who declares them unprofitable and meanwhile you still need to breathe.

“Still, we’ve realised our error and learned from it and won’t do it again. What? Royal Mail gets sold to a Czech billionaire this month? Excellent.”

A spokesman for China said: “Want the value of your house to collapse? We can do that easy.”

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