ED Miliband is hoping to invigorate the shadow cabinet with the appointment of Marvel Comics character the Punisher.
It is hoped the brutal vigilante superhero will put the government on the defensive with his imposing physical presence, uncompromising moral code and large arsenal of weaponry.
Miliband said: The Punisher is exactly the sort of big hitter we need in the run-up to the general election, especially given the shadow cabinet’s singular lack of testosterone.
He believes that injustice should be met with extremely violent retribution, which makes him the ideal person to speak out on issues like the bedroom tax and Atos assessments.
His interest in brutal justice was sparked by seeing his family murdered by mobsters, so hell probably be a good spokesman on crime and family issues too.
Also he tends to carry a machine gun around with him, so the Tories probably wont take the piss out of him like they do with me.
The Punisher, former special forces operative Frank Castle, said: Joining the shadow cabinet is an excellent opportunity to punish people who arent just criminals or supervillains.
David Cameron clearly lied about privatising the NHS, something I intend to force him to admit by either dangling him from the top of a building or cutting off his fingers one by one.
I also intend to raise the issue of disabled people being declared fit to work with Iain Duncan Smith, which may involve me burning him to death with a flamethrower.
I must be careful with my expenses though, or Ill have to punish myself.
