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Man who hasn't learnt from Brexit going to vote Reform

A MAN who learned nothing from the charlatans and liars who brought him a Brexit that improved his life not even slightly is excited to vote for Reform. 

Small business owner Joe Turner, whose turnover and income dropped significantly as a direct result of his 2016 Leave vote, is giving his full backing to Reform as ‘the change this country needs’.

He said: “Yes, I support a party led by the same radical grifters who crashed us out of the EU without a plan. What’s your point?

“The mainstream parties have lost my vote just as they did in 2016: by bombarding me with economic information I don’t understand and suspect they’re only making up to scare me. While Nigel likes a fag and a pint.

“I don’t know any of their policies or even if they have any, but I do know they’ll fix the country overnight just like Brexit would have if the establishment had let it. And if they don’t? That’s on Angela Rayner for stopping them.

“If everyone followed my lead this once great country could take back control from the corner it’s mysteriously painted itself into. There’s nothing to lose and literally everything to gain.”

Sir John Curtice said: “To use a technical political science term, we’re f**ked.”

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Yes, Liverpool were once as unbearable as Manchester City, man tells grandchildren

A 63-YEAR-OLD man has explained to his grandchildren that once, Liverpool were just as successful and twatty about it as Manchester City are today. 

On seeing his eight-year-old grandsons revel in Liverpool’s title win as if they were a deserving underdog, Thomas Logan sat them down to tell a story of an entitled bunch of bastards who thought they were God’s gift to football.

He said: “Once upon a time, there was a club like any other club. Sometimes they won the title and other times other clubs won. It was fine.

“But then, in the blue mists of the 1970s when lead was in petrol and everyone smoked 40 a day indoors, a man called Bill Shankly created a Boot Room. And his club began to win everything, all the time, and what’s worse they did it with a sanctimonious air of moral superiority.

“All through the 70s and the 80s they kept winning with their Boot Room managers. After a while they didn’t even have a manager and just let one of their players do it in his spare time and still won everything.

“But then one day it all stopped. Oh, they picked up the occasional bauble but their reign of red terror ended and what pricks they were about it forgotten. But they f**king were.”

Zack Logan said: “I almost believed grandad. But then I asked who won stuff after them and he said ‘Manchester United’ and everyone knows they’re shite.”

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